By Drew Hertz, MD, President and Co-founder Zest Pediatic Network
I can still taste it. Sweet potato casserole with a layer of toasted marshmallows set on a table crowded with people. The delight of the family turkey bowl in the yard, football on the television all afternoon, and visits with older relatives I rarely saw the rest of the year. With my own children, the turkey bowl, the visits with relatives, and of course the food all continue.
Ask almost any adult about Thanksgiving and memories like these come up right away. Food, crafts, a family game, relatives infrequently seen. Those details stay with us for decades. They are worth creating and protecting for our children.
Why Traditions Matter
Psychologist Barbara Fiese and her colleagues reviewed 50 years of research on family routines and rituals. They found that rituals, including holiday celebrations like Thanksgiving, are associated with children’s health, a stronger sense of identity, and closer family relationships. A ritual tells a child who their family is, and it connects one generation to the next.
A 2019 study in JAMA Pediatrics points in the same direction. Dr. Christina Bethell and colleagues asked adults to look back on their childhoods. Those who recalled the most positive experiences, such as feeling safe and supported by adults and having a sense of belonging, had about 70 percent lower odds of depression or poor mental health than those who recalled the fewest. This held even for adults who also had hard experiences growing up.
Because these adults were remembering their childhoods, the study shows an association and cannot prove cause. Still, a warm, repeated family memory costs very little, and the evidence suggests it is worth the effort.
Keep One, Start One
If you grew up with a tradition you loved, carry it forward, even if you have to alter it. Or start your own. A tradition only needs to repeat and mean something to the people in it. It can be a particular pie, a walk after dinner, a phone call or, better yet, a handwritten letter to a grandparent at the same time every year, or a visit with someone who cannot travel to you. Family meals count too, and are one reason pediatricians encourage families to eat dinner together regularly.
One of the things I appreciate most about Thanksgiving is that it welcomes families of every background. It is an easy holiday to build traditions around.
A Job for Every Age
The study points to feeling safe, supported, and a sense of belonging. A child who has a real job at the table has a reason to feel part of it. Here are some ideas by age.
Toddlers and preschoolers. Make them the greeter. Let them open the door, hand each guest a napkin, or carry the rolls to the table. Their job is small, and it tells them they are needed.
School-age children. Make them the family historian. Ask them to interview an older relative with a few questions, and record the answers on your phone to watch later. They can also make place cards for each guest or measure and help cook a family recipe.
Teens. Give them real ownership. Let them plan, shop for, and cook one dish, run the playlist, or organize the family turkey bowl or other family game. Teens often step up when the responsibility is genuine.
Every age. Seat the children next to the older relatives, and give them a reason to talk. I never liked the children’s table, though for some families it is a joyous tradition with the cousins. Those conversations with older relatives may become the memory they carry longest.
This Thanksgiving, pick one tradition to keep or one to start, or do both. Give it a try.
Drew
